• Published November 23, 2015

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This entry is part 1 of 2 in the series 90's Action Feature The 90’s gave us some wonderful things, none of which are greater than the 90’s action film.

You know those movies right? They don’t feature much of a story and almost everything blows up with some rather unnecessary boobies thrown in here and there.

So I’ve decided to do a series on the best of the best 90’s movies. I hereby present to you Part 1…

Demolition Man

One of my all time personal favourite’s and coincidentally one of the only times Stallone managed to not sound like an idiot the whole time. Let’s be honest – not much happened in 1993 but what did happen that year was Demolition Man. It opened with a large bang and then vanished into utter obscurity. It can now be found on late night television between Chuck Norris films and House reruns.

Much like Stallone’s better known flop in Judge Dredd only 2 years later, Demolition Man took leaps and bounds with onscreen violence and stories that didn’t make much sense. Never the less – there it is and it remains a cult classic among many die hard 90’s action film junkies.

Story

The story follows Stallone’s character, John Spartan, who has a hardon for Wesley Snipes (Simon Phoenix). The two of them have a brief romp where Spartan gets his ass set on fire and then framed for killing like a billion people. The best sentence the law can then come up with is to freeze them both for 100 years during which they’ll go through behaviour modification which will make them both less of an *sshole and more a boon to society.

Before there was CGI, there were actual muscles.

Simon Phoenix manages to break out after 84 years during his parole hearing because he got turned into Superman during his sentence and beats the living sh*t out of everyone he meets…or kills them…or both. Phoenix then goes on a rampage around the rather peacefully quant 1993 idea of the future where nobody has guns or knows how to fight.

One of the less stupid cars you’ll see

This unfortunate turn of events leads the rather helpless police department of the future, who only have Tricoders and shock batons to wake up John Spartan who can put a stop to Simon Phoenix and his rampage of murderous violence. Spartan teams up with Sandra Bullock (Lenina), knits some jerseys, swears a bit and off they go.

So I told him, I told him – Get your own baton! Haha!

A larger plot is eventually revealed where Boot Face Bob, the mayor, has a plan to set Phoenix, his newly modified super terrorist murder weapon, upon the poor people of the city who live in the sewer not bothering anyone, to get rid of them because…you know…they want food and stuff and that just can’t be tolerated.

How this guy got put in charge nobody knows.

Notable Characters

Simon Phoenix

Simon Phoenix is a psychotic killer maniac guy who has a knack for kicking ass and causing chaos. He’s the main villain of the film and has a hairstyle that should have been impossible to accomplish in 1993. He’s quirky and has a certain idea about things and if you get in his way he’s gonna rip out your eye with a pen.

Lenina Huxley

Lenina is a cop with big ideas in the future. She has a thing for 90’s nostalgia and pretty much attaches herself to Spartan right off the bat…since you know, he is from the 90’s. She’s a fun girl who likes action and violence but doesn’t want sex, sex is only to be had using The Occulus Rift and she’s Sandra Bullock. What more is there?

John Spartan

We going to Pizza Hut! Ermagherd!

Spartan is a cop from the past and behaves like a 19 year old that found his dad’s gun and has to tell people about it. He doesn’t understand the 3 Sea Shells, eats rat burgers, knits and wants sex. What a monster.

Why We Like This Movie

It’s a fun movie. It has a bunch of action, enough comedy to keep anyone entertained and Simon Phoenix is pretty much one of the coolest villains I’ve ever seen. The vision of the future from a 1993 viewpoint is very fun to explore and the sheer amount of stupidity present in the story makes this one of those films you watch because you either like Stallone or Sandra Bullock or Wesley Snipes and you’re not disappointed with any of the results of any of the 3 excuses you used.

Demolition Man will forever be close to my heart as one of those personal favorites you just have to watch every now and then for no reason at all.

Notable Facts

  • Demolition Man is partially based on the book, A Brave New World
  • Jack Black is an extra in this film, he’s seen stealing food from Pizza Hut and probably ends up dying horribly in the sewer somewhere. His character name is ‘Wasteland Scrap’
  • This movie features some of the stupidest cars you’ll ever see
  • The 3 Sea Shells idea is a concept nobody on the planet understands
  • This movie has no regard for science or cryogenics
  • SAPS is the same as the South African Police Service abbreviation
  • Sting wrote an entire song to fit in as the credit music for this movie, named Demolition Man
  • Pizza Hut that largely features in this movie is actually Taco Bell in the U.S. version
  • Jackie Chan was almost Simon Phoenix
  • Both Jean Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal turned down the lead rolls

If you’re looking for something to watch or rent on a Friday night and you’re in the mood for some unrealistic 90’s action – I highly recommend Demolition Man!

This entry is part of 2 in the series 90's Action Feature Movie Feature: 90’s Action Feature: Lethal Weapon >>

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Desolation Morris

Guest Contributor - Entertainment

Werner is a strange one...he quotes a lot of things...incoherently I might add, also he reviews stuff from time to time. We still don't truly understand what he is or where he came from.

To quote him verbatim:

Make sure they see my twitter handle so I can get hookers and drugs.

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Article Tags: 90s Action · 90s Films · 90s Movies · Demolition Man · Sandra Bullock · Sylvester Stallone · Wesley Snipes

Article Categories: Movie Feature · Movies