- Published June 8, 2016
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We recently got an Angry Birds film, an Assassins Creed film in the works and with a new Final Fantasy film recently revealed and more ‘Game to Film’ adaptions in the works I keep hearing Dr.Ian Malcoms words in the back of my head – ” Yeah, yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should. ”
Okay so minus the scientists..directors and producers…but still.
We had Mortal Kombat…1 and 2…of which 2 was terrible and I think there might have been a 3rd? Not sure (let me know in comments). We got a Super Mario film (oh God why?). We even got a Street Fighter film…and guess what? They suck goat balls.
So what other games can we look forward to sharing the fate of the above? I have some ideas.
Assassins Creed
Okay first and foremost this has been in filming for awhile and with Michael Fassbender in the lead role we stand to (maybe) not get something all too terrible. However the point stands that the Assassins Creed story spans generations and various era’s in human history.
Those who are familiar with the story will know the story literally starts at the dawn of humanity with Adam & Eve. It’s a long, difficult story, complexly weaving history into a grander scheme that ultimately results in a plot spanning thousands of years larger than most human minds are able to fully understand.
Now you want to fit that into a film with 120min max runtime and some guy leaping from building to building? True that this might merely be the first film of a series but I somehow doubt they’ll manage to translate the glory of the Assassins Creed story from the games to a proper on screen adaption.
Mass Effect
Here we have a story where humanity has colonised the stars, discovered new life and then expanded cross culturally into hundreds of worlds and vice versa. With a newly discovered threat (The Reapers) coming to destroy life as we know it, the central character (Shepard) has to rally humanity and find hope where none exists against overwhelming odds.
The cast of characters across all 3 major Mass Effect titles is vast with most characters being tolerable at best and in major need of some real personality, you have a setting where the lore outweighs the actual character depth.
At it’s core Mass Effect would be difficult to get on the silver screen simply based on the fact that the subject matter itself is flawed. The characters need a ton of depth and understanding, there are some side plots that nobody will care about and you’d have to have at least one blue semi nude alien girl with daddy issues…which we learnt from Avatar is almost never a good idea.
Fallout
While we love playing Fallout in every shape and form it would definitely not make it as a major motion picture adaption. The setting is simply too grim and the details are gory and charmingly gloomy at best. I mean who wants a film series based on what happens after the end of the world? Oh, Mad Max? What’s that you say? Fallout ripped off Mad Max? Oh. Okay.
Been there done that.
Diablo
At it’s core Diablo is about demonic possession and defeating the devil by beating him to death with various clubs and sharp pokey things.
With the story starting in Diablo 1 with a possessed boy in need of a major ass kicking before he turns into the lord of Hell himself and the story continuing along the same path in Diablo 2 and 3 with more satanic cast members joining the fray such as Baal and Mephisto – I somehow doubt this will get a PG-13 rating if it does make it to the silver screen.
I mean – the majority of the film(s) would have to take place in religiously questionable areas such as Heaven, Hell and everything in between. Tons of gore and violence, shallow characters and a meager story. I also somehow doubt most people will be okay with an on screen depiction of Satan beating the crap out of an Arch Angel and stampeeding his way into Heaven to lay the smackdown on anything that moves.
Doom
Similar to Diablo but not quite. Doom had an on screen adaption and this is actually a perfect example of what happens when you mix hellish content with the silver screen – it gets removed.
Doom within itself is a hellbent, scary, assault on the senses with the stops pulled out in every direction and the film that resulted was absolutely no fucken good at all. Starring Dwayne Johnson as a Marine Seargeant and Karl Urban as…Grimm. Whoever that…is..or is…supposed to be? And some science girl who runs around going on about extra genes or something.
In a nutshell this adaption resulted in a movie that had absolutely nothing to do with Doom and would have been better off calling itself ‘Army Guys On Mars’ or something. It does well on the action front and if viewed as having nothing to do with the Doom franchise holds it’s own. However when compared to Doom it falls notoriously short in every single aspect…and I do mean EVERY.
In Closing
It remains to be seen whether game to film adaptions will ever get it right but I have the sneaking suspicion that the more Hollywood runs out of ideas, the more games will suffer the curse of having terrible movie adaptions….
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Desolation Morris
Guest Contributor - Entertainment
Werner is a strange one...he quotes a lot of things...incoherently I might add, also he reviews stuff from time to time. We still don't truly understand what he is or where he came from.
To quote him verbatim:
Make sure they see my twitter handle so I can get hookers and drugs.
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Article Tags: assassins creed · diablo · doom · exclusive · fallout · feature · featured · Games · mass effect · Movies
Article Categories: Video Game Feature