Title: Geeky Goods Review: Would You Survive? (The South African Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide - Lee Hermann)
Author: PikeyZA
Recovered Author: PikeyZA
Published Date: 2016-02-22
Original URL: https://geeknode.co.za/2016/02/would-you-survive-the-south-african-zombie-apocalypse-survival-guide-lee-hermann
Wayback URL: https://web.archive.org/web/20170712171953id_/http://www.geeknode.co.za/2016/02/would-you-survive-the-south-african-zombie-apocalypse-survival-guide-lee-hermann/
Recovery Confidence: high
Categories: Geeky Goods Review
Tags: Apocalypse, geeky goods review, Guide, Humour, Lee Hermann, PikeyZA, South African, survival, The South African Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide, Zombie

- PikeyZA

- 1 year ago

- 3 0

There’s a common misconception about zombie apocalypse scenarios that most people seem to share, and that is that they will survive. HINT: YOU F*CKING WON’T.

Well, 99.9% of us won’t, that’s kind of how the apocalypse works. While we all love to think that we’d kick ass in the hellish world of biters/crawlers/walkers/shufflers/zombies, we’d die. FAST. No amount of popping zombie heads in L4D2 or obsessive viewing of The Walking Dead (disclaimer: other zombie shows are available) would be enough to save you, me, or probably anyone we know. Your grandmother? DEAD, and she’ll probably be feasting on your entrails as soon as she can manage to shamble her way to your house and kick your door down. Hell, granny may even be a bit more lifelike once she’s turned.

Chances are you’ll end up like this guy. You gross squishy future zombie. Yuck.

However , as South Africans we have a few advantages that MIGHT tip the balance in our favour. That’s a pretty huge might, but we live in a society that treats our houses like reverse prisons, with barred entry points and walls with razor wire being the norm rather than the exception. If you can get your hands on Oom Piet’s collection of hunting rifles and shotguns things are starting to look a bit better. Add in a survival guide specifically tailored to the South African condition and you can up your chances considerably (considerably = 2-3%). You’re still probably going to die though, in a horrible and excruciating fashion.

*Side Note* If there is ever an outbreak of rampant zombie-ism then avoid Werner “Desolation” Morris at all costs, he will probably get himself bitten on purpose and cover it up, then beg you to let him into your house so he can turn and murder you, shouting “LOL It’s just a prank BRO” while he rips out your throat. The jerk.

Luckily for you potential lumps of zombie food, Lee Herrman (Author of Journal of a South African Zombie Apocalypse, read Harlequinn’s excellent review HERE! ) has put together a short book of survival tips for South Africans facing the horrors of the zombie apocalypse. Whether you believe in zombies or not, they believe in you, and they believe that you’re delicious. So don’t ask if you need to be prepared, ask if you can afford to not be. Once the ravening hordes are at your fibrecrete wall it’s already too late!

The book itself can be taken one of two ways. Either you read it all as the gospel truth and start crafting tin foil hats so that no one can steal your survival plans, or you see it as a tongue in cheek look at a subject that makes for a fun read. Whichever way you read it, it’s an entertaining book and will have you chuckling in places (even as you check to make sure your braai axe is suitably sharp). A lot of the featured advice is applicable to a number of scenarios, not just the zombie apocalypse. So even if said apocalypse never comes about, you can still gain some value from reading up and preparing yourself for when everything inevitably goes tits up in another fashion. For example I always keep a “Go Bag” ready in case Her Majesty’s Customs and Excise agents come knocking with pesky questions about containers full of giraffe porn. Always be prepared! The South African Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide isn’t a novel, and as such is a short read. It’s a Survival Guide (the hint is in the name….) even a slow reader won’t spend more than an evening of sounding out words before they’ve finished it. Packed into it’s pages is a comprehensive list of Do’s and Don’ts from vehicle/weapon choices to how to actually go about putting a zombie down for good.

Here’s a little Do and Don’t list of my own to help you decide if you want to pick this guide up or not…

Do pick it up IF:

- You have a sense of humour and like to imagine yourself in unusual scenarios.

- You don’t have a sense of humour and are currently building a nuclear fallout shelter under your vegetable patch.

- You’re a fan of all things Zombie and want a great little book to discuss at your next “But What If” meeting.

Do Not pick it up IF:

- You have a sense of humour but it’s limited to jokes about accountancy.

- You have an easily impressionable person in the house who might go on a killing frenzy while screaming “kill the biters!”

- You can’t read.

So, that about covers it. You’ll see the lovely little review box below with my final thoughts. Thanks for reading, and remember: If there’s ever a zombie apocalypse, I am going to eat a LOT of you. Whether I’ve turned into a zombie or not. Protein is protein man, and I gots to survive!

There's a common misconception about zombie apocalypse scenarios that most people seem to share, and that is that they will survive. HINT: YOU F*CKING WON'T. Well, 99.9% of us won't, that's kind of how the apocalypse works. While we all love to think that we'd kick ass in the hellish world of biters/crawlers/walkers/shufflers/zombies, we'd die. FAST. No amount of popping zombie heads in L4D2 or obsessive viewing of The Walking Dead (disclaimer: other zombie shows are available) would be enough to save you, me, or probably anyone we know. Your grandmother? DEAD, and she'll probably be feasting on your entrails as soon as she can manage to shamble her way to your house and kick your door down. Hell, granny may even be a bit more lifelike once she's turned. [caption id="attachment_43498" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Chances are you'll end up like this guy. You gross squishy future zombie. Yuck.[/caption] However, as South Africans we have a few advantages that MIGHT tip the balance in our favour. That's a pretty huge might, but we live in a society that treats our houses like reverse prisons, with barred entry points and walls with razor wire being the norm rather than the exception. If you can get your hands on Oom Piet's collection of hunting rifles and shotguns things are starting to look a bit better. Add in a survival guide specifically tailored to the South African condition and you can up your chances considerably (considerably = 2-3%). You're still probably going to die though, in a horrible and excruciating fashion. *Side Note* If there is ever an outbreak of rampant zombie-ism then avoid Werner "Desolation" Morris at all costs, he will probably get himself bitten on purpose and cover it up, then beg you to let him into your house so he can turn and murder you, shouting "LOL It's just a prank BRO" while he rips out your throat. The jerk. Luckily for you potential lumps of zombie food, Lee Herrman (Author of Journal of a South African Zombie Apocalypse, read Harlequinn's excellent review HERE!) has put together a short book of survival tips for South Africans facing the horrors of the zombie apocalypse. Whether you believe in zombies or not, they believe in you, and they believe that you're delicious. So don't ask if you need to be prepared, ask if you can afford to not be. Once the ravening hordes are at your fibrecrete wall it's already too late! The book itself can be taken one of two ways. Either you read it all as the gospel truth and start crafting tin foil hats so that no one can steal your survival plans, or you see it as a tongue in cheek look at a subject that makes for a fun read. Whichever way you read it, it's an entertaining book and will have you chuckling in places (even as you check to make sure your braai axe is suitably sharp). A lot of the featured advice is applicable to a number of scenarios, not just the zombie apocalypse. So even…

Geeky Goods Review: Would You Survive? (The South African Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide – Lee Hermann)

Geeky Goods Review: Would You Survive? (The South African Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide – Lee Hermann)

2016-02-22

PikeyZA

Everything you'll ever need to know to survive

Humour and Advice - 8

80
8

HEADSHOTs!

A perfect coffee table book for some of the geekier (or more paranoid) houses in our fair country, I can happily recommend it for anyone who has a sense of humour and doesn't mind their neighbours looking at them a little warily from now on.

User Rating: Be the first one !

8

Editor’s Note: Our friends over at the Dark Carnival now stocks this item, so feel free to head on over there and pick it up for a tantalisingly tasty R130 . Go now! You know you want to! While you’re there, grab Lee’s other book ( which we’ve also reviewed ) “ Journal of a South African Zombie Apocalypse ” also for R130.

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Article Tags:
Apocalypse · geeky goods review · Guide · Humour · Lee Hermann · PikeyZA · South African · survival · The South African Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide · Zombie

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